


Wherein Joanna comes to visit

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [18]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Academy Years (Rambleverse Timeline), Dubious Canonicity (Rambleverse), Gen, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-07
Updated: 2009-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 14:39:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teaser: <br/>It's pretty awesome having Joanna visit campus, even though she sends all of Jim's plans involving a mixture of Bones and alcohol out the window and replaces them with plans involving a mixture of Bones and low-fat milkshakes because it's never too early to worry about cholesterol, apparently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Joanna comes to visit

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fairly early Rambleverse fic, from before it was even called Rambleverse. The character of The Ex changed drastically after this fic, which is why it gets the "Dubious Canonicity" tag.

It's pretty awesome having Joanna visit campus, even though she sends all of Jim's plans involving a mixture of Bones and alcohol out the window and replaces them with plans involving a mixture of Bones and low-fat milkshakes because it's never too early to worry about cholesterol, apparently.

Jim tried to argue that these draconian dietary restrictions should be postponed until Joanna can pronounce "cholesterol" but Joanna promptly shot herself in the foot with that one, archly proclaiming that she did too know how to pronounce it because maybe she's only seven but she's not _stupid_. Jim's attempt to defend himself went nowhere good, and ended with both of them sulking for the rest of the day. And no-one got milkshakes, low-fat or otherwise.

Anyway, one annoying thing about having Joanna pop in (aside from the fact that she wins more arguments than Jim is comfortable admitting) is that Jim can't figure out the pattern of it. Her mom just drops her off on random weekdays depending on how busy it's going to be in that cozy little science outpost in Alaska. The Ex's workload, near as Jim can tell, is dependent upon how many moose ate how much lichen that week and whether the resultant feces were sensible brown or tinted more towards chartreuse.

Jim once asked the Ex what her research was on, exactly, and she assured him that it was just as boring and disgusting for her to talk about as it would be for him to listen so they should just go back to standing in awkward silence. Then she casually mentioned that, seeing as he was a Starfleet cadet and all, he probably had many important things to do someplace else and she wouldn't want to distract him.

Jim went grudgingly (the Ex is nice to look at, personality issues notwithstanding) but made sure to give Bones some advice later: if he ever considers marriage again, he should give some long and careful thought to the adage that "opposites attract." Luckily Jim had already realized that his compassionate offerings of wisdom and succor would be unappreciated by any member of the McCoy clan, so Bones' reaction didn't hurt his feelings. It's like trying to help a stray dog, Jim reasons. Persistence is key. Antibacterial ointment is also important.

Really, that's what bothers Jim the most about Joanna's visits. You'd think that spending time with his daughter who he proclaims to love _more than life itself_ would mellow Bones out but instead he gets super-paranoid because, supposedly, if Joanna has so much as a _taste_ of anything with high fructose corn syrup in it the Apocalypse is going to rent the heavens and rain Ho-Hos and Twinkies upon their tortured souls. Jim can deal with the paranoia (especially as it paves the way for his fail-proof strategy of becoming Joanna's BFF by slipping her candy bars) but Bones' un-mellowness extends far beyond that.

Here's the thing about the McCoys. _Other_ families would show affection by kind words and gentle touches; _other_ fathers would patiently lead their children down avenues of intellectual growth, and other daughters would absorb the wisdom of their elders with quiet awe.

Bones and Joanna, apparently, believe that nothing says "I love you" quite so well as arguing about everything that ever existed. In _any_ universe.

Privately, Jim thinks it borders on addiction. He thought about staging an intervention when Bones spent their entire Regs and Ethics class exchanging 213 texts debating the merits of shoes with magnetic clasps (they were all the rage in elementary school, apparently, and Joanna wanted a pair) and had to ask Jim for his notes afterwards. Jim opened his mouth to point out that Bones had a serious problem (and was also wrong, because magnetic clasps were awesome and not at all frivolous) but at that moment he realized that the entire lecture's notes boiled down to "Don't touch something if you don't know what it is" and decided that Bones was just working smarter, not harder.

But still, when two people spend so much time complaining about the restaurant's décor that their food goes cold, the third wheel has a right to be disgruntled. Jim, who finished his steak twenty minutes ago and resorted to tearing his napkin into small strips to keep his brain from bursting out of his skull in a bid to escape, finally stole Joanna's communicator (it had a hard purple casing and rhinestones that glittered pink or blue depending on the angle) and ducked into the bathroom to message the Ex.

_This is Jim Kirk. Did you file for divorce because Leonard and Joanna argue too much?_

He leaned against the cold sani-tile wall, enjoying the silence and reflecting on how weird it felt to refer to Bones as "Leonard." After about two minutes, the comm started playing a song by the current pre-pubescent pop music sensation. He checked the screen:

_You're the smartest man in the world. Can I buy you a drink?_

Jim copied the number into his own comm, carefully erased the incriminating messages from Joanna's, and composed his reply with a smile.


End file.
